Solutioneering Cont'd/A Tale of the Inuit
The Inuit story of the Skeleton Woman is a tale of the Life-Death-Life cycle of nature. I first read this story in 1993. I had been widowed for a year and was having trouble getting on with my life. On top of that, a corporate merger had destroyed the best job I ever had. I was down and searching for a way to pick myself back up.
I found this book in a new age book store, and later learned that the author was a post-trauma specialist and a Jungian psychologist. More than anything else I did around that time, reading her book spoke to something deep in my spirit. Soon, I was solutioneering my life, rediscovering myself, putting the pieces back together. One step at a time, I set my feet on the path that has led to here and now. In 1994, I became self-employed and started my own business. In 1996, I met the man who eventually became my current DH.
In my previous blog, we were talking about Solutioneering. This is more of the same because the new year soon will begin, full of endless possibilities. It seems appropriate for me to remember Skeleton Woman and perhaps introduce her to a WUfriend or lurker who might like to meet her.
As always, your comments, graphics, photos, and random thoughts are welcome. This is your place as much as it is mine. Come in. Grab a cup of coffee. Put your feet up. What's on your mind today?
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The (condensed) Story of Skeleton Woman
There once was a young woman who so angered her father that he threw her into the sea. Her body fed the creatures of the sea until there was nothing left but a skeleton. After many years, a fisherman unwittingly ventured into a haunted inlet and snagged her bones with his line. Skeleton Woman became horribly tangled in the man's fishing line. And he, in a panic to flee, thought she was chasing him. He paddled like crazy until he beached his kayak on his home shore. Then he ran until he could dive inside his snowhouse. Finally, he thought he was safe. Until he lit his oil lamp and saw that she had followed him into his home.
After his initial shock, he realized that Skeleton Woman was thoroughly tangled in his fishing line. He set about untangling his line and even straightened her bones. In the process, a feeling of kindness came over him and he dressed Skeleton Woman in furs. When he was done with that, he settled down to oil the precious wood of his fishing stick and rewound the gut fishing line before going to sleep.
The man dreamed, and whatever he dreamed, a tear slid across his cheek. Skeleton Woman saw the tear and drank it, slaking a terrible thirst. The man's heart drummed and she sang and by morning, she was a whole living, breathing woman again.
Giving the Tear
This tear of passion and compassion is most often wept after the accidental finding of treasure, after the fearful chase, after the untangling -- for it is the combination of these that causes the exhaustion, the disassembling of defenses, the facing of oneself, the stripping down to the bones, the desire for both knowledge and relief. These cause a soul to peer into what the soul truly wants and to weep for loss and love of both.
As surely as Skeleton Woman was brought to the surface, now this tear, this feeling in the man, is also brought to the surface. It is an instruction in loving both self and another. This is the man healing, the man growing in understanding. He takes on his own medicine-making, he takes on the task of feeding the "deleted other." Through his tears, he begins to create.
To love another is not enough, to be "not an impediment" in the life of the other is not enough. It is not enough to be "supportive" and "there for them" and all the rest. The goal is to be knowledgeable about the ways of life and death, in one's own life and in panorama. And the only way to be a knowing man is to go to school in the bones of Skeleton Woman. She is waiting for the signal of deep feeling, the one tear that says, "I admit the wound."
Condensed and excerpted from "Women Who Run With The Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Here is a LINK if you'd like to read the full story.
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Quoting GardenGrrl:
Good Morning, what a great blog and thank you for a dedication that puts me in the same group as one of the creators of Turbo Tax. Solutioneering is a great term for problem solving. Sounds like so much more fun.
That's the key right there is having fun with finding answers to things that need to be fixed. Sometimes it's accompanied by expletives, but if we were not actually enjoying the process we would have just given up.
That's why I worked in the construction trade and now as an industrial plant operator. I really truly enjoy hands on solutioneering. There's also (have to toot my horn a bit), the part that I'm a small women that works with big equipment and now that the "hire women and minorities" law has been scrapped, I still have been hired over a long line of men. Cause I'm that good :-D
The whole cancer thing has required lot's of solutioneering. Being a hands on physical kind of person that has become too weak and too tired to do what I normally do was devastating.
Lost over 80% of my outdoor garden/landscape because I couldn't take care of it this summer. Back in February I think the cancer started taking me because I lost my desire to write around then and this slow resigned feeling, not normal depression, but life ebbing away started taking over. In the back of my mind I guess I knew I was dying and had no idea what to do about it except try to hang on and drag it out.
When they found the tumor at least I knew I had something to fight but it was so big and the blood tests showed it to be systemic. All I could think of to do was to get my legal affairs in order then go through the motions of fighting cancer. Mostly for the sake of my loved ones. It had me so worn down and resigned to certain death according to what I read about ovarian cancer, that I would have just gone the hospice route if I didn't know my value to the people around me.
For them I would endure chemo and prolong this thing. The doctor and I agreed to call my cancer stage 1C because people treat you different if they think you are going to live. That was my first try at solutioneering this. The next was to act as if I'm going to live and start new hobbies to replace the ones I couldn't do at the time like writing and outdoor gardening.
So I started to learn about photography. I started an indoor garden with bright lights and bonsai plants which are a long term project. I stayed away from "learning" anymore about cancer. Then the universe sent me a gift that helped me to really believe in what I was doing. Sometimes solutioneering is just "fake it till you make it".
Now instead of acting as if I'm alive, I just be alive. It's not how long we live but how much we live while we are here. I have one of the best ovarian cancer doc's in N.Texas. This guy has some stage four patients that have stayed alive years and continue on. Sure they are on constant chemo but they choose to still be alive during their treatments. There is a big difference between not being dead and living.
It could be some strange accident or old age that kills me instead of the cancer. It has certainly changed how I'm going to live my life. It may change my career. But what I can't let it change is how I adapt and problem solve. Finding wonder in the everyday world has always been the core of my being. I will continue to be fascinated by the sky, by everyday birds, weeds that look like flowers, shiny things. I will find ways to open new doors when old ones close. Solutioneering means being alive and part of the world instead of being a spectator in the grey mist of do nothing.
I will continue to find new ways of being alive.
Because I'm that good.
The Solstice happens on December 22 this year. The Yule Log was burned by Scandinavians and later in much of the rest of Europe as part Winter Solstice celebrations. The original Yule Log was one of very hard oak wood, which was carefully selected so that it would burn for 12 days. Ever wonder where about the origin of the 12 Days of Christmas? I think this was it. Also, the old oak tree is where you find mistletoe growing. Methinks those Europeans might have found a good use for mistletoe to help brighten those dark days of winter, too. Hmmmm.
Since there aren't many villages where the men can go out to harvest such a log and there aren't many fireplaces that could accommodate a true Yule Log these days anyway, traditions have evolved.
Betty Crocker has a recipe for making this Yule Log which even includes details on how to make the decorative leaves.
Sounds like fun.
And it's chocolate.
What other reason do I need to give this a try?
Quoting GardenGrrl:
Speaking of Mistletoe as well, Roxie thinks this is as good a time as any to send out her holiday greeting.
Quoting Calpoppy:
A happy upcoming Winter Solstice to you, Briar!!!!
It ends like this:
Then on the third great night there came thronging and thronging
Millions of snowflakes out of a windless cloud;
They covered her close with a beautiful crystal shroud,
Covered her deep and silent.
But in the frost of the dawn,
Up from the life below,
Rose a column of breath
Through a tiny cleft in the snow,
Fragile, delicately drawn,
Wavering with its own weakness,
In the wilderness a sign of the spirit,
Persisting still in the sight of the sun
Till day was done.
Then all light was gathered up by the hand of God and hid in His breast,
Then there was born a silence deeper than silence,
Then she had rest.
Beautiful. Deeply touching. Thanks YCD!
Skeleton Woman may slack her thirst now
Wanted to tell about an experience I had tonight (I thought I'd have the last blog to write in, to stay sort of on topic, but so it goes). I had to drive 20 miles to Ventura tonight to get a single item from Target. I hate doing that. Really hate it. But, although I look in every store I go into in town, I cannot find, of all things, 4-cup basket coffee filters. How stupid is that? So I normally get them at Target but haven't been in weeks, maybe months, and need the darned things now. Not happy. Nearly fuming, in fact, as I'd rather have been warm at home and eating my dinner at that time. Anyway...
Guy gets on the freeway and nearly takes my bumper off switching into the lane behind me. I wasn't crawling - I was holding, shall we say, a reasonable positive margin with respect to the speed limit - and there was no place for him to go if I moved over, anyway, which I couldn't, anyway, so what's the point in tailgating? A mile or two down the road I was able to move over and he goes roaring past, to tailgate the next guy ahead. I was very tempted to move back and get on his tail and ride it all the way to Ventura but, of course, I am a grown-up and did not. Instead, I thought, hey, maybe he has to go all the way to Ventura just to get stupid 4-cup basket coffee filters, too!
Or, the equivalent.
Grumps and tailgaters are as deserving of compassion as anyone. More, because they ain't right, at the moment. That's where the effort needs to go - not into forcing cheer when one is miserable, but in understanding when someone else is.
I think someone (jus?) already said that much better. I'm just playing along.
My quest for coffee filters went on ... and on ... but I won't go into it. Only add that I had the most amazing conversation with a stranger at Target, perhaps the best all-around conversation I've had in 15 years, and that made it all worthwhile. Crazy, huh? :)
Oh! One more thing - the Solstice is Dec. 22 at 5:30 UTC. I always mess this up but I'm pretty sure that's 9:30 PM PST on Dec. 21 - tomorrow!!!! Well, today, now, since I wrote a novel up there, LOL
Happy Solstice to you - enjoy the swing around :)
With a blog about transition this is a perfect time of "sleep into awakening".
I love it! Thanks for sharing your coffee filter trials and tribulations here. And you got a great bonus out of it. The way I see it, you reminded yourself to be understanding when someone else is miserable and got rewarded with a really enjoyable conversation. Good things happen in really unexpected ways sometimes, don't they?
GGrrl: I thought so, too, but I wasn't sure if I was saying what I meant. If you know what I mean 8-] Thanks for letting me know I said what I meant for real! Sheees! I'm having too much fun here. And I mean that in a good way.
And, of course, "expect good things".
That was so nice what you posted on my blog.
Yes creating family tradition and Christmas Memories is very important to me.
Thank you,
and Happy Winter Solstic!
From our Home to Yours
Merry Christmas and a Healthy & Happy New Year 2012!
"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons.
It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
- Dr. Seuss
But the recipe is in my blog now :)
Merry-ist Christmas and Happiest New Year to you and yours.
Gamms: Thanks for the bringing the Grinch and the Florida Christmas decorations.
Sandi: Great! I'll come by and grab it. Thanks!
WTS: My theory is you're communing with Nature and/or maybe taking a moment to reflect. Sounds like a good thing to me.
PeaceRiverBP posted the following on FB. I had to bring it over here for those who have the Christmas blues or just enjoy a good laugh.
Love your blogheader message about "Solutioneering", etc. Much food for positive thought, especially in learning to reprioritize one's life towards better goals.
Thought I'd drop by to wish you A Merry Christmas as well and hope you and yours have a healthy and Happy New Year to boot!
Here's a more modern day Christmas tune from one of my favorite early '70's female singers. Hope you enjoy it.
Merry Christmas to You and your Family.
You have been such a comfort to me with your Blog.
So sharing and so welcoming.
Your words and the space you allow for my ramblings are so welcome.
I wish I could put into words what it means for me to have the give and take with you on your blog.
Even to just lurk and learn.
For me retail is hard on the Brain,even though I love it.
So a comforting place to blather is a welcome soul mending experience.
And the loving sharing place you share with us is good food for the soul.
Thank You Briar.
And a very warm an Memorable Merry Christmas for you and yours is my wish,and the only meaningful gift I have to offer :O)
I wish you Peace, a happy solstice, and a merry Christmas!
Hope you have a wonderful time:)
The parkin will be OK for Christmas eve, but if there is any left, it will taste better by new year! lol
My WUfriends make me feel all warm and gooey inside. You've given me the best gifts I've had in many, many years: a sense of belonging, the feeling that I am appreciated, and most importantly, that I have succeeded in creating a place that others find welcoming and comfortable. You bring tears to my eyes (only the good kind!).
I just read the new blog, it is a most interesting blog and I want to come back to reread slowly and cherish the story line.
I do want to say one thing. so sorry that you suffered such a huge loss. Being widowed at such a young age, has to be heartbreaking and challenging.
Thinking of you with the holiday spirit.
Be good to yourself.
Merry Christmas!
FROM: wp
weatheringpoints: So happy to meet you!!! Please feel free to add your comments to the discussion, share random thoughts, gift us with a chuckle, or whatever, any time the spirit moves you. You're always welcome here!
I have a friend coming for the day, and staying overnight. I have a Christmas dinner to produce, but most of it is in the fridge and freezer, planned last week.
I hope you had a pleasant day, with a little fun thrown in.
One comment - if you wrap the "P" in greaseproof and foil rather than plastic wrap it will be better ... plastic wrap will stick to it as it gets "stickier".
Better get moving, things to do:)
How about the wind yesterday?? Did the wind blow down your way as well? Sure shook us out of our December slumber. Our high wind was 38 mph, but over the open waters on nearby Lk. Washington (and elsewhere I am sure) the wind went over 50. While our lights blinked several times, but never went out, the power did go out in a lot of close-by areas, and further areas as well. Picking Christmas Day for our first storm in a long time was less than ideal timing. Looks like another round of wind could be on its way late this week, and rain is finally coming too. Winter!
Puget: I heard about the storm you had on the evening last night. Here, it was a bit breezy in the morning, with gusts to 22 mph, and there was a light but steady rain for a couple of hours -- essentially a non-event for us. Forecast is we should get our share later in the week.
Hope you're having a good day!
My 2012 WISH BOOKS (seed catalogs) are here!!! Time to start looking ahead, dreaming of next year's garden and flower beds. Thinking, planning, planting in my imagination. So much fun.
Everyone have a Happy New Year. Take a moment to be thankful for what you have and also to look forward, anticipating all the good things that the New Year will bring to you and yours. Smile. Hug everyone within reach. Laugh. Be happy!
I had a pretty good 2011 so will happily take your suggestion to be grateful. Well, I kinda do that, formally, on the solstice - that just feels more like the beginning of the year to me - but try to remember every day how lucky I am.
Happy New Year to you and yours :)
Dance as if no one were watching,
sing as if no one were listening
and live every day as if it were your last.
Anonymous
I'll be back to read about the Skeleton Woman.
Thank you for the kind comments left on my last blog. I learn from you as well and I treasure your visits.
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